Is she a loopy gal?

See the lady in this out of focus picture?? Shes currently a crazy woman dealing with a whole new world of junk. I switched my meds, and its taken its toll on me physically and mentally. I havent been able to focus, concentrate, read, think, talk. All I can do is cry, get frustrated and sleep. But with the kids jumping on me and needing me, I cant get any sleep while they are awake. Its not like I have a person to help me, oh wait thats what husbands are for. But remember I am a video game widow.

Rain Rain Go AWAY!!

I am so tired of this ole crazy ass weather. One week holds 90 degrees and 45 degrees, what kind of BS is that?? I wish I could say that the 45 was night time weather, but no, we had to pull out some sweat pants and hoodies for a few days. Now the latest annoying weather thing?? Rain, it seems like it hasnt stopped raining for a week, even though it has. The clouds go away, and its sunny in the morning, so one might think "Ok, no rain today, I can get some work done outside, and enjoy some sunshine!" but alas, it rains a little while later. Not just rain a nice little rain, more of a clouds get so thick it looks like night time at 2pm.
As the rain let up a little today, Peyton and I enjoyed a few mins of hanging out on the front porch, where I read and Peyt played. Peyt reminds me of the innocence and childlike qualities I seem to be missing as of lately.

Drinking the rain drops!

Yeah, my lil Peyton normally has a plumbers butt, thankfully you cant see too much of it in this picture!

It wouldnt be too much of a good day, if I didnt post a picture of my lil Elijah acting like a goofball!! Hes trying to do a flip in this picture.

crazy

My depression has set in a lot lately, and it has taken its toll on my whole household. Elijah and I but heads a whole lot on a normal day, but when depression is floating around me, we but heads a lot more. I am a calm laid back go with the flow kind of person, Elijah is not. Hes more high strung than everyone else in the house, and that clashes with me. Today is day TWO of summer vacation, and yesterday was a rough day, I totally lost my cool and just lashed out at Elijah, and scared him. It was near bedtime, I wasn't on my meds (Dr took me off of them, and told me to switch meds, but I didn't have the presc filled till today.) Elijah was sleepy and really cranky, crying over the size of his bowl that he was eating out of.
Some days I don't know what to do, and just want to end it all. I want to either leave or just kill myself. But then I think about all those people who grow up messed up because a parent left them, and I don't want that for my boys. I don't want that guilt on myself, and I don't want to hurt my boys. As well, when someone close to me committed suicide, it totally broke my heart, I would never put anyone through that pain.
But sometimes life gets the best of me, and I want to give it up. David doesnt have any clue as to why I am the way that I am, nor does he seem to care. He just seems to see me as someone who doesnt do shit all day. Hello, mommy is a tough job. (He at this moment is on Gears of War 2, and is driving me fucking crazy.)
People tell me to start being a bitch to him, lay down the law, put the iron fist. Yeah, its not working. I need some hope, ugh.

Throwback Pics

I was looking on my husbands computer today for some pics that he had, and found some stuff from the boys a few years back.
The first is a video of them in the tub. It seemed like yesterday and yet it seemed so long ago.


Now here are a few pics from that time!!

Elijah is 5

If its not any indication by the picture, my baby Elijah is FIVE!!!! He celebrated his birthday at Chuck E Cheese's with family and friends. He spent most of the time there playing this game below.....





Who had the most fun though? My brother Damion! He was the biggest kid out there, and had that extra gleeming sparkle in his eye! His pockets were filled with tokens and tickets. I have no idea if he traded the tickets in, and if he did I have no idea what he got. Last time I saw, he had 1300 and that was just the first hour!!